?

Log in

You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
27 August 2009 @ 10:22 pm
I would like, if I may, to get the fuck out of this life.

But that might upset some people so I can't.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how fucked up is getting the urge to go up the lane while you're cutting business cards at work?  Nothing to prompt it, just... to see how it turns out.

Would I bleed to death in the middle of the store?  Would anybody honestly care?  Like, anybody who's actually there.  I'm pretty sure that there are some people that care, but theyre nowhere near where I am.

And just a request for those people who are within my general viscinity, could you please stop using me for your own means?  I really don't appreciate it.  I mean, as long as you're willing to use me for whatever, I'm going to go along with it because God forbid I should ever upset anyone or do something that isnt what they want me to do.

But, seriously, if I were to do everything everyone wanted me to do I'd be all of the following; a psychiatrist, a secretary, a uni student, an actor, a singer, a girlfriend, a fuck buddy, a maid, a nurse, I'd be tidy, I'd be dilligent in everything that I do, I'd disown my cousin, my aunt, and my uncle, along with a couple of my friends, I'd never ever ever mess anything up, I'd brush my teeth 3 times a day and go to bed at 9, I'd weigh about 20kg less than I do at the moment, I'd never need to take another sick day because I had crippling period pain again, I'd have never picked up a razor and started shaving, I wouldn't wear revealing clothes, I'd go to church every Sunday and pray every day like a good Christian, I'd have aced the HSC and have done every scrap of homework I'd ever been given, I'd never swear or give anybody lip, I'd have epic novels as light bedtime reading, and I would hardly ever use the computer or turn on the television, while being a social butterfly and not being the slightest bit of a spaz.

I've been wondering how much life is actually worth living a lot more than usual lately.  Jim Beam and Mishka are my new best friends and I consort with them on a nightly basis.

Can somebody give me an honest to God reason for keeping the charade up and not either end it or just stop altogether?

One positive thing to come out of this is that I'm definately honing my acting skills.  Either that or everybody here's just completely fucking oblivious to me, or they just dont care.  They all seem to be under the impression that I'm OK and that I don't need any support or anybody to lean on.  They don't get that this is all hard for me, too.  Sure, I'm not getting it quite as bad as Nat, but EVERYBODY is there for her.  A. Irene and Sarah have got it pretty damn bad, too.  But those 3 are the only ones I ever hear about.  I just dont understand why I have to be the emotional crutch for the lot of them when I'm losing these people, too.

I havent even been to see Warren in Lismore.  And I think that they think I havent been because I dont care.  Which isnt true.  I do care.  But I've never had terribly much to do with the man, and the little I have had to do with him have made me feeling very uncomforable.  As well as this fact, I'm not exactly good around sick people.  Especially not sick people who are zonked out 99% of the time.  I dread every day because it means that I have to go and see grandma, and she seems to change where she thinks she is every day.

I don't want to watch these people die.

I don't want to remeber them like this.

I don't want to deal.

I don't want to.

I just want to go back to when everything was safe and normal and nobody was dead or dying and I had a support system near me and people actually cared.  I want to go back about 13 years, to before Aunty Mary died.  Before she got sick.  Before Uncle Danny died.  Before I had to worry about anything more terrible than Claudia pulling my hair or Elise poking fun at my clothes.  Where my biggest worry in school was that I couldnt remeber the 4 times tables.  Where the computer didnt network me to 100 people that I havent spoken to for years, and 4 people who ease the pain of living for a bit.  Where mobile phones were as big as suitcases and the thought of owning one was laughable.  Where Hey Hey, It's Saturday was a weekly event that we all gathered around the TV for, and I still idolised real people.

When did life get so fucking messed up?

And when did I start sounding so damn emo?

Apparently I've been acting longer than I thought.
Tags:
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: crappyempty
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
Let today be marked in the history books as The Great CD Purge of [August].
To un-vague that a bit for you,I took all the CDs out of my car today and now I only have 1, count them, 1 CD wallet in there.  There were 60-odd CDs in there before [and no, I'm not exaggerating.  In the slightest.  Look at my face.  Its not lying to you]  Seriously.  Wait. I'll count them.
*comes back slightly ashamed*  OK, so I may have mis-guesstimated by a bit....  The real number of CDs I had in my car is actually a..hmmrmnfrrtin......
/what?/
Yeah... try and guess..... lol.
BUT! I've successfully condensed it to 24.  Which I'm more than slightly proud of. :D

That is all.

~*~ k a t ~*~
Tags:
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: rejuvenatedrejuvenated
Driver Picks the Music, and She Picks: Serpent Queen - Goodnight Nurse
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
I'm trying to make an effort to update this thing reasonably oftenish now...

Only problem is I don't have anything to put in here.  You know, except bitching about work, and the emo, and whatnot.  Today, however, my bitch is going to be about the detremental effects Red Bull has on mobile phones.

Short version of the story: I had a bottle of Red Bull in my bag, lid was on, all was good, lid popped off, my bag turned into a pool... A yellowy energy drink-filled pool, at the bottom of which, my phone was floundering and screaming to me "Help me! Save me! Have mercy!"  My MP3 player was intelligent.  It learned to float when it was a child, so it was safe.  My phone is now officially useless.  The only thing I can really use it for is my alarm clock at the moment.  On the plus side of that, I've managed to make $6 credit last longer than ever before because I'm not uselessly texting people saying "I'm bored. Dance for me, dance-monkey" and not getting replies. BTW you all suck for not replying to them.

That turned out longer than I intended.  Even shorter version: My phone died a horrible death and I'm getting a new one.
The new one costs too bloody much though so I have to save half of this weeks pay and more than half of next weeks so I can get it, and in the mean time I'm getting A FULL TANK OF PETROL!!! my car will be so pleased with me, it's been a while.  But its pretty.  It be a Nokia 7100 [there be pretty pictures of it in that there link. Go, follow, look, squee.

Yeah... that's all I got to say for now, except, RTD YOU KILLED MY FANDOM AND BROKE MY HEART I HOPE YOU DIE A LONELY DEATH!

That is all.

Oh, and Genie, update.

~*~ k a t ~*~
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: quixoticquixotic
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
OH EM EFF GEE!!!!!! my room is clean!
I know, I know, every time I clean it its like a giant thing that I get all 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' about, but thats because I let it get so horrendously untidy every time that it IS a big thing when I clean it.

Yeah... besides that, nothing new. Lost a friend... Found them again [they were under the pile of magazines from the last year that I threw out earlier]

Got a bit drunk the other night.  Can't remember too much of it, I just know I woke up without a hangover, and without $34 of credit on my phone... I'm assuming it went on the phonecall to AJ......

Thats all folks.... I'm going to sleep. Or watch Life on Mars, I'm undecided as to which yet.

Pip pip

~*~ k a t ~*~
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: cheerfulcheerful
Driver Picks the Music, and She Picks: Space Oddity - David Bowie
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
Can't think of any lyrics for the title.  Might add some later.

So, Kat's been pretty down for the past couple of days.  Got a haircut to try and make me feel better, but it didnt really work.  Now it's just kind of adding to the down-ness.

The most part of it is that the reasons I'm feeling crappy are so pathetic and I shouldnt be feeling crappy cause of them because there are people with much bigger problems than me, which makes me feel bad.

Got lyrics.

Yeah, got nothing else.  Been having a shitty week a-la cousin.... s.  But besides that......  Not much else.  Been being a sadly-pathetic-fucked-up-in-the-head-type-person, but whats different about that?

Peace out.

~*~ k a t ~*~
Tags:
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: depresseddepressed
 
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
13 June 2009 @ 09:27 pm
-  
helena bonham carter is made of win
and glitter is the produce of dead fairies everywhere.  seriously, i have this theory that glitter is made from the dead, ground up boaides of fairies.
she's seriously made of win
and that kid is looking down her top.  CLEAVAGE! lol
hates glitter
why the crap do i even have that hairspray anyway??
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
 
 
 
 
 
I am legen..... wait for it....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
wait for it...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
wait for it...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
wait for it...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
still waiting?...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...wait for it...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...DARY!
seriously.

Why am I so awesome?  Cause I just finished doing 5 weeks worth of homework in 4 hours, whilst listening to Green Day, then doing an assessment test and acing it.

Bow before my wicked coolness.

Thank you.

Thats enough grovelling.
Stop now.

GET UP!
Thank you.  xD

ANyway, not much's been happening since the comment post of epic, preceeded by the shortest entry ever. The Guinenss Book of Records should so have me in there.
Driving down to Sydney tomorrow night/Saturday morning [besides ice-skating, what does the Gene Genie wanna do?]
One slight hitch with the going-down-to sydney plan... I have nowhere to stay... I'm kinda thinking of nabbing Cassy's keys and staying at charmy.  that'd work.  Actually, thats a fantastic plan! I was thinking before OMG what am I gonna do? tehres nowhere to stay! ARGH! and I didn't wanna invite myself to stay at anybody's house but its all good now...
Hrm. What else is new... the boy has been dumped, just in case you didnt quite catch the meaning of the last entry in all its ambiguity.
'sides that... not much new.
i want pie
i might be making soup tonight
blistex is awesome
as is fop
and me
and green day
and the colour red

anthony is not awesome
first he thwarts my plans to sillybrat his birthday this weekend by going to cowra, but then he sends me a message yesterday. get this.. he saw a 67 impala
a real 67 impala
not one on tv
A. REAL. FUCKING. 1967 CHEVROLET IMPALA!!! the original sex-on-wheels.
bitch.
i keel him

but first i go and party like its 1699 in sydney with eineg and anybody else who loves me.
there are people that love me, right? O_o lol

kay. so, randomness aside, im hungry so im getting food

~*~ k a t ~*~
 
 
Where the Hell Are We: tafey tafe
How Am I, Good Question: goodlegendary
Driver Picks the Music, and She Picks: Last of the American girls - Green Day
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!


Kay, so Kat is bored and doesnt wanna do any work at tafe today [Fark! Why do I keep typing uni instead of tafe???] yet again.  Stupid teachers giving us boring-arse work.
I havent done any homework for like the last 3 weeks either... so I'm back to how I was in high school.
Yeah... So... I feel the urge to blog, and yet there is nothing to blog about.
I wish something'd happen that I was like "This is so going in my blog" about.
I don't even have any awesome online peeps that read this.  Just an awesome Sydney peep... when I poke at her for like a week lolz, yes Genie, I'm looking at you... because you are the only person that reads this xP


The boy is more depressive than usual...  The cousin's boy has decided to be more of a douche than usual and tell her she has to choose between my boy and him, which sucks a lot, seeing as my boy is the cousin's "only" friend, so she spent all yesterday arvo crying, and now she's not talking to the boy.  My boy, not hers....
Her boy was all like "Oh, I have people watching you all the time and I don't trust you and like.... I'm a massive fucktard."
and the cousin's like "I'm not the one who slept with my girlfriend's best friend then pretended it was all OK"
So now, next time I see him I'm gonna be like "If you ever make my little cousin cry again I'm going to punch your lights out, bitch."

I have gum.
And I had a dream the other night that a couple of rather nasty things happened.... It was scary.  I'm still undecided on which part's scarier... The fact that I didnt mind the first part, or the fact that both parts even happened......

First part:  Too nasty for words.

Second part: Joel randomly walked into the room and shot me in the face with a sawn off.  I woke up screaming.

IT.  WAS.  SCARY!!

And then I told Darren about the second part and he was all like "Poor Joel. You must have done something really bad to upset him like that, like kill his mum or something.  I've never seen him angry."
Poor Joel??
POOR JOEL???
WHAT ABOUT ME?? I'M THE ONE THAT GOT THEIR FACE SHOT OFF!!!
Shit-stirrer. *dropkicks Darren across the room*

Yeah, there be nothing else to blog aboot so I'm gonna keep this open until such a time as there is.  Or would you rather I keep going with the massive wall of text entry?

I think I'm gonna keep going so it looks like I'm doing work. Or practicing typing.  Or something.
Technically I am practicing typing.  Technically.

Thats a funny word, isnt it, "technically"
If you sound it out its like.... tek-nik-ly
Why do we need the extra letters if we dont use them?  Why can't everything be spelled phoenetically??  Thats another stupid word... Phoenetically.  It means to spell something as it sounds, but its not spelled as it sounds.  It has a butlload of extra letters.  Phoenetically = Feneticaly
See?? So much easier to read
I'm writing the next paragraph feneticaly.  Maybe even the rest of the entry.  Lets see how I go, yeah?

I rearly dont think theres gunna b much difrence with the lettrs I put in hir.  But it luks funy anyway.  Haha.  I'm gunna stop now.  It's kinda lame.

Yeah, so there were like 3 words different there... That just killed my theory... thiry.  lol
Really stopping now.

I had licorice coated in dark chocolate this morning :D

Dammit! why isn't Natalie signing on?? I need her to sign on so I can block her so I can appear online so I can wish that someone worth talking to would sign on and talk to me.

I'm going to be hawt in like 15 weeks.  Im determined for it to happen.  I even have like, a plan and everything.  And I'm not eating junk-food.

My typing speed isnt improving at all :( and my fingers are starting to lose sensation.

This cant be a good thing.
Hurm.  I need to save monies to get to Sydney next weekend... And get eineg and lank-bitch something for their birthdays.

My goodness the people in my class are dumb.  Every week, without fail, they click open in word and then go "Why cant I find my speed calculator?"
ITS BECAUSE ITS AN EXCEL FILE NUMBSKULL!!!!!

Grrrr. Stupid people.  Why are they everywhere??

So, In conclusion, people need to start using LJ again, and the cousins boy is a douche.

~*~ k a t ~*~

EDIT:  Annoying woman is annoying.

 
 
Where the Hell Are We: gumtown
How Am I, Good Question: dorkyGUM!!~
Driver Picks the Music, and She Picks: Viva La Gloria - Green Day
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
14 May 2009 @ 02:43 pm
Meme yoinked from some random, cause I'm awesome like that

1. Post a list of 15 fandoms.
2. Have your friends list guess your favourite character / pairing from each fandom.
3. When guessed, bold the line and write a sentence about why you like that character / pairing.
4. Post in your own LJ.


1. Fandom: Supernatural Dean
2. Fandom:  Angel Angel lol
3. Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer il Capitan peroxide!!! Spikey-poo
4. Fandom: Firefly Inara... or Jayne... or Wash.... or Kaylee... or Mal... I can't decide lol
5. Fandom: Rent MARK IS MADE OF TEH AWESOMESAUCE
6. Fandom: Across the Universe   Hey Jude, dont make it bad, take a sad song and make it better, remember to come over to my house so I can tie you up with tape
7. Fandom: House Lulz, House.  Original, arent I
8. Fandom: Harry Potter Fred, George, Sirius and Ron... Harry's a whiny little bitch... Two words: I'm angry!
9. Fandom: Empire Records Genie still needs to see this awesomesauce, but its Mark. Who's band, he's going to call Marc... to mess with peoples minds
10. Fandom: 10 Things I Hate About You Definately Kat... Although Ms Perky is pretty legendary too.
11. Fandom: Watchmen  AND GENIE MUST SEE THIS!!!!!  Comedian... He may be Shut Up Daddy and a dickface, but I must know more aboot him!!! And he's kinda yummy :D
12. Fandom: Twilight Edward!~!!! *swoons* and Jasper. And Alice.  And Emmett.  And Carlisle.  And Esme.  Everyone but Roaslie... Cause she sucks. as does Renesmee.... WTF who names their kid something like that? Like she's not gonna have enough trouble fitting in as it is. N00b.
13. Fandom: Black Books  BERNARD~~ WE LOVE YOU!!!!
14. Fandom: Breakfast Club  LOL it be the movie made in the 80's...  The one you're thinking of is Breakfast at Tiffany's - Bender. He's 80's awesome
15. Fandom: Charmed Pfft. Phoebe can go die in a hole.  Piper is so much more awesomesaucier lol
 

~*~ k a t ~*~
 
 
How Am I, Good Question: boredbored
 
 
You shall NEVER discover that my real name is Kat!
12 May 2009 @ 07:13 pm
2 updates in one day.  I'm optimistic arent I.
Nobody's gonna read these damn things anyway so I dont know why I'm  bothering.
Company is wanted needed.  Nobody's online, Sarah's on the phone and even when she wasnt she was her usual wealth of conversation, and I'm feeling incredibly lonely.  And listening to love songs.  Great combo.

Fuck I'm sad.

~*~ k a t ~*~

Tags:
 
 
Where the Hell Are We: in a corner
How Am I, Good Question: lonelylonely
Driver Picks the Music, and She Picks: Wicked Game - Chris Isaac